Things We Lost In The Fire.

I was in a really good mood as I walked into work that day. I worked in the mailroom of a large banking organization and I didn't hate it. It was a steady, predictable 9 - 5 job with just above minimum wage pay. Not a bad gig for a 21 year old without a college education. It was way better than working fast food or retail.

I unlocked the mail room door, turned on my computer, and then waited for our morning mail delivery to arrive. The first few hours of the day involved sorting mail, then delivering mail around our building, which I thoroughly enjoyed. I loved making my rounds to all the offices and flirting with the secretaries of the big wigs.

I'd just returned from dropping off mail to my favorite secretary when my cellphone rang, which I found odd, as no one ever called me at work during the day. I flipped it open to see it was my oldest sibling. This was also strange as we weren't close and I didn't even know they had my number.

I answered, even though I wasn't supposed to take calls at work.

"Hey, what's up?"

My oldest sibling tearfully replied,

"Tamra...hey. Mom's house burned down. They're okay, I think. Mom said something about smoke inhalation. I don't know. But the house is gone. Everything's gone."

I dropped to my knees. I didn't expect to do that. I just felt my legs give out. The lady who shared mailroom duties with me saw me drop and came running. I sobbed with my sibling on the other line, asking every question I could think of.

"Is Mom okay? Did the dog get out? What about the cats? When did it happen? Where's the hospital? What do I do?"

But there was nothing I, or anyone else, could do. It just happened. One moment my mom is making coffee in the kitchen and the next her neighbor, a local farmer who'd been out that morning working his property, is yelling at her to get out of the house because he sees smoke rising from the attic.

Firefighters determined it started with old wires, old insulation, and overly curious squirrels that had been living in the attic for decades. It was, after all, a 100 year old house. Something sparked and that was it. The house became engulfed in minutes. My family barely made it out in time.

That fire changed my mom's life. She and her husband never fully recovered from the financial devastation, as their homeowners insurance had recently removed fire coverage from their plan. They got nothing when it was all said and done. Not a dime.

The fire took everything from my life before 18 with it. Every baby photo, every childhood trinket, my baby blankets. Everything. My siblings and I have almost nothing from our childhoods because it was all with mom and that house. And it was all gone.

The recent, devastating fires in California have been heartbreaking to witness. When you lose your home like that, you lose more than stuff. You lose memories. You lose heirlooms. You lose things you can never replace because they represent a time you can never return to.

People are waking up every day with a new reality. A reality that is emptier than it was just a week ago. A reality where there are no more family photos. A reality where your family pet couldn't be saved. A reality where you might have also lost family members. Fire takes it all away. All of it.

I have no words of comfort here, as I don't think we will ever be comfortable with the reality of losing everything we had and everything we knew to a fire. All I can offer is my empathy. All I can hold is my grief.

This is a terrible, terrible thing. And I am grieving it alongside you, California. I am so sorry for all you've lost. I am so, so sorry.

See mutual aid links and info below.

MutualAidLA Fire Resource List